Short but sweet, well salty actually

I am in the middle of travelling and starting a new job...so I am a bit behind.  But I wanted to say that I tried olives!  Black and green.  For years I have picked these off pizzas and refused them at parties...I still may do so.  They were just ok.
I fell off the meditation but I am eager to pick it up once I get settled again.  At least for now I am reading...I have polished off 3 books for far on this trip (long flights and long layovers!) and done one thing that scared me (I’ll write about it another time).  I am hoping that once I get into a regular routine, things will be easier.

The list is done!

Well, I had to modify it a little.  Given my upcoming commitments, learning 43 new French words a month was not practical...I didn’t want to set myself up for failure.  I added a few more things and removed/replaced one.  I decided that “do 43 kind acts” was not something I wanted track.  You should do kind things just because.  And I was also finding it hard to track...for instance...is babysitting for my sister a “kind act” or just something that you should do?  So this has been replaced with an intention to “practice gratitude”.

I am making slow progress through the list...my first bad habit that I am trying to get rid of is nail biting.  I have bit my nails for, well, 43 years.  I am working on just keeping the nails trim and catching myself whenever I start noticing my hand move towards my mouth...

All for now, in the midst of packing for my next work contract!

Recipe one!

I once had to FaceTime my mom to ask how to cook rice - I was in my late 30s.  Cooking is not my strong suit...I have a few go-to recipes that I rely on.  That and take out.  On the positive side, my ineptness generally means that I don't have to help prepare dinner when visiting family or friends.  On the negative side...pretty sure that this inability has contributed to my weight gain.  This is one of the reasons that I am determined to try and learn some of the basic things that I enjoy...I started big today...steak! (I know not the healthiest thing out of the gate but when I head off for my next work contract...steak will be hard to come by!)

I googled a few different recipes...and voila!  I had to return it to the pan a few times to get the desired medium-rare but it was...edible by the end!

(the potato is a frozen potato that I just had to put in the oven)

Meditation stresses me out

I know that meditation is good for you...I have read the journals and the buzz-feed pop-ups telling me how I can live a more fulfilled life if a meditate.  But here's the thing...I suck at meditation.  And when I am trying to meditate, all I end up think about is how I am doing it wrong.  Well that's what I think about when I stop planning my day, wondering what's going to happen in my book, guessing why (inset name here) didn't text back.  And then I start to stress.  I think my blood pressure actually rises during those 10-min. 

I have done it in the past.  Gotten up a little earlier...made time and committed for over a month!  And, I begrudgingly admit, I did enjoy it.  But I couldn't seem to make it a habit.  Here's the thing with me - I cannot accomplish anything when I am not busy.  If I have a full day of work, grad school, family/friend commitments...I am superwoman.  I can find time to get all that done, meditate, exercise (well, somewhat) etc.  But - if I have nothing to do...as I do now while I wait for my next contract to start...I get nothing accomplished.  I can't find the time to do a 10-min meditation!!!  And then I get more stressed that I can't find the time to do it!!  AHHHH!!!!

But I have seen meditation work wonders on people.  So, with a sigh and a determination to "do better, not perfect but better", I move forward. 

(The above photo was from today's meditation)

I am recovering after a nasty bout with the flu, which made a dent in book reading but not much else.  Hoping to make up for lost time...update next time.

Why is losing weight so hard?

You know, I could have put "summit the seven great mountains of the world and I would be more likely to achieve that than the overly ambitious goal of losing 43 pounds.  It's not to say that losing 43 pounds is impossible - thousands of people have done it...even I have done it in the past.

Truthfully I can't really figure out why I can't lose weight.  I have the knowledge on how to achieve it (eat less and better, exercise more) and I have the desire to achieve it (I want clothes to fit better, joints to hurt less etc.)  So...where is the disconnect?  Why do I keep sabotaging myself and can I get out of my own way this year to meet this goal?  I guess we'll see...

Here is a reflection of my struggle over the past few years...

Progress to date...

Green tea = 2
Blog entries = 4
New foods = 5
AM walk = 4
Amazon reviews = 6
Birthday message = 2
Effort in hair/makeup = 3
New words = 2
Trip advisor = 7
Podcasts = 3
E-mail unsubscribe = 12
New restaurants = 1
Positive message = 1
Books read = 1
Flossing = 1
Pounds lost = 2
TED talks = 2
Message to friends = 1
10-min meditation = 1

Exanding horizons

It’s been a good few days.  I know that I am leaving for a work contract soon and with the circumstances unknown, I am concerned that I won’t be in a position to work on my list.  So I am dedicated to trying to make some real headway.

Yesterday I tried 4 new foods.  FOUR NEW FOODS!   I don’t think I ate four new foods in the past four years!  And, it wasn’t all bad.  I mean some of it was bad...not sure I can ever get fudge down without gagging, why make turkey into a sausage at all and I will never understand the need to add extra meats to sandwiches but the date square was surprisingly yummy.  My horizons are literally exploding around me.  

A tad dramatic?  Perhaps.  But for someone whose been sort of stuck, physically and metaphorically, this was a huge achievement.  I’m off now...just finished a morning walk with a podcast about checklists and I am about to watch a TED talk on Flags.  Exciting life.

Scarcity effect

I am determined to make today one of those 'get on track / productive' days.  I love these days as I finally make a dent in my to do list and when I get to bed...I feel less out of control.  I started by getting up and finishing a short walk this morning.  As much as I like to believe this will contribute to weight loss, I think my walks are really more of a stress management technique more than anything else. Today I combined it with a new podcast...the topic...scarcity effect.

The basic takeaway was that when you are desperately short of something (money, food, time etc.) your mind actually creates a tunnel vision that doesn't allow you to think of other things.  They talked about how your focus on one thing actually robs you of insight to other areas - how you forget to pay bills because you are so focused on such as finding food for your kids or time to accomplish necessary tasks.  It explained the cycle of poverty with examples that exist in a world where credit cards are abundant.  I know there have been periods in my life where work has absorbed a disproportionate amount to time and I have lost sight of a lot of things.  Rationally I know how to avoid this...but when you get caught in the cycle...

Anyway, an educational start to the day!

Progress to date...

Green tea = 2
Blog entries = 2
New foods = 1
AM walk = 1
Amazon reviews = 6
Birthday message = 1
Effort in hair/makeup = 1
New words = 1 (assauge)
Trip advisor = 3
Podcasts = 1
E-mail unsubscribe = 12
New restaurants = 1